its never really hit me until recently how much i lie to myself. i hide memories from myself, convince myself it didnt happen or it happened a different way. and its really sad because i’ll tell someone what happened and they’ll know, but i wont remember. i had to ask sarah if i had hooked up with him over thanksgiving or christmas break. i honest to god cant be sure in an answer. and i guess its a coping mechanism, but i’m tired of it. i’m tired of lying to other people because i’ve convinced myself otherwise. i want this nonsense to stop. and i think it will, because the only person i have ever lied to myself about is him, and we are over. for good.
